I am not a huge fan of being a leader among the masses. Not because I prefer being a follower each time, but because it involves interacting with people, it is energy-draining, it means additional responsibility, it draws too much attention to myself and it interferes with my primary preference of being a quiet observer. The only time I would willingly volunteer for the post would be if the ship I was in was really sinking fast and there was absolutely no one else to take the helm.
Shu's impressions on being elected a leader
Back in year 2001, the senior teachers in my school decided to give me the title of Head Prefect. Up until then in all the long years that they knew me, I never displayed the widely accepted leadership qualities like good communication, assertiveness, self-confidence or being a socialite - so while I felt honoured, it did come as a surprise. I suspect the only reason I got it at the time was because I had the best balanced track record of good behaviour (seriously, how much damage can a quiet, dreamy kid do?), studies and sports in class and being an all-rounder in those areas was a prerequisite for the post.
My term didn't start off well. The tiny speech I had to give at the Induction and Awards ceremony that year in front of a hundred students, teachers and parents was a bit of a disaster. Despite my best friend's efforts to help me practice the speech until I knew all my lines by heart, I forgot them on stage on the most important day.
The Speech went something like this (dotted lines indicate actual words which elude my memory now):
Shu: Good afternoon everyone.......................................................................
.....................................................................................................................
......................................................I thank you all for coming (ends abruptly)
[Gets distracted looking at an object in a distance and forgets the lines. Not sure for how long I was gone]
Shu: Ummm...
[Recalls the lines after a very long pause]
Shu: I thank you all for coming and ...............................................................
...............................................(this time, manages to end speech correctly)
The only priceless memory of that day was seeing my parents glowing with pride as I came down from the stage after being inducted the Head Prefect and walked over to hug them. Everything else was mostly traumatic.
Public speaking was never my strong suit. I am soft-spoken in nature preferring to act in the shadows over shining in the spotlight. I hardly voice out my opinions in social settings. My thoughts take too long to manifest themselves into strings of utterable words and very often, the moment of impact is long gone by the time they are uttered. And nearing 30, I have mastered the art of successfully dodging group activities and careers that require public speaking skills. On some level, I knew I had to eventually address all my irrational fears associated with public speaking, so I put "Join a Toastmasters Club" towards the very end of my bucket list (after "Swim with whales" and "Give a solo violin performance on stage").
Due to a recent turn of events, I had to cross off this bucket list item much earlier than planned.
Being a Docent at the zoo meant that once a month I had no choice but to give a confident commentary on King Cobras and conservation of reptiles to the large group of visitors that gather on Sundays to watch a snake feeding session. While I was confident in my facts and the command of English, organising the speech and conquering a stage was always a challenge, that only got negligibly easier with time. On the days that the cobra was shedding and there was no feeding session or a commentary, I was quite relieved (overjoyed, even).
This went on for months until one day, I was asked to evaluate and grade the commentaries of two new recruits since no seniors were available that day. I protested (unsuccessfully) saying I was bad at it myself and that I felt in no way qualified to evaluate others in an area I was not confident in. It was a strange experience being in an evaluator's shoes and giving constructive criticisms to my juniors on all the the points they had to improve on, like maintaining eye contact or projecting the voice. I observed first hand what my own shortcomings in public speaking would look like to my audience. I decided then that I had to pull myself together and get past this irrational fear since I'll need the skills for the causes I deeply care about. How else will I garner public support to fight for those creatures that need to be protected, for example?
The Toastmasters Club offers a non-intimidating and encouraging setting for many people with the same problem I have. It's like going to a clinic for STDs. Everyone there has or had one before and it is encouraging to see that most people have been successfully cured with proper medication (a lot of consistent practice - in the case of delivering speeches)! I had the initial urges to bolt from the gathering of strangers and never come back, but I'm glad I calmed my nerves and stayed.
A very fitting animation on the science of stage fright
I had to give two impromptu speeches so far. The first one was really bad with me having a brain black-out at 0:53 seconds. The second day's speech was slightly better with me sticking around until 1:59 minutes and feeling only a little light-headed. There's an overwhelming load of things to learn, pay attention to and adopt, but I feel hopeful and inspired by watching some of their experienced speakers with great stage presence.
Coincidentally, a few days after I attended my first Toastmasters meeting, I was elected the Reptile Station Head from my group of Docents.
"I'm sorry, I work a 6-day job and I won't be able to attend any meetings and such on Saturdays," I said, hoping for an overruling of their decision.
"Nevermind, we will help you!" they said.
and so, Shu fell into another hole.
Photos courtesy of Google Images.
No comments:
Post a Comment